Another One From July 27, 2009

A Voice For Our Times

Some folks will recognize Stephan Pastis as the creator of the extremely amusing daily comic strip "Pearls Before Swine". He also maintains an irregularly updated blog at http://stephanpastis.wordpress.com/ with enough funny stories and observations that your sides will hurt from laughing as you read them.  Below is one example.

I do not like our icemaker.

It’s in the door of the refrigerator that my wife Staci bought.  And it’s too loud.   I’m not sure what it’s doing back there, but it can drown out a bugle.

I also do not like our answering machine.   It’s next to the phone I never answer.  And when I don’t answer it, the person talks into the machine.  But I don’t want to hear their voice.  So I try to lower the volume, but it’s at the back of the machine, and when I pull the machine out, the cord won’t budge and all the crap by the phone falls over.

There is only one good thing about the icemaker and the answering machine.  They are next to each other.

So now, when people call, I fill glasses with ice.

Lots and lots of ice.

One of Staci’s friends requires four glasses.

Every time she calls, she makes California’s drought worse.

If I was a better person, I’d tell her what she’s doing to the environment.  But it would mean talking to her.  And hearing that voice.  Which would require more ice.

I’m just proud that I’ve taken a bad situation (the loud icemaker) and used it to my benefit.  Sort of like that old adage about how when life hands you lemons, you’re supposed to turn them into an icy-cold glass of lemonade.

Only you don’t need the lemonade.

Just the ice.